


I just want us to be happy.

by AaronDingleAndHisRobert



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Aaron tells Robert how he feels, Insecure Aaron, M/M, Oblivious Robert, Robert's so inlove and wants Aaron to know it, Sappy Robert, Talk of getting professional help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9271391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AaronDingleAndHisRobert/pseuds/AaronDingleAndHisRobert
Summary: After Aaron Confronts Robert and Rebecca at Home Farm the couple argue but when Aaron lets slip how he really feels about himself things take a turn for the better.





	

**Author's Note:**

> After seeing the spoiler pictures for Week 3 I couldn't resit writing this because some times I wish these two would just tell each other how they feel. Plus I really do believe these boys would benefit from a little Professional help. Especially the gorgeous little grumpy cupcake that is Aaron Dingle! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy and sorry for any mistakes x

They've been going at it for almost an hour now; driving back separately from Home Farm to the pub had given them plenty of time to let their individual anger fester long enough that as soon as they were in the back room of the pub the raised voices began.

Aaron's refusing to back down, Robert shouldn't have lied and by doing so all he's done is make things worse! Trusting someone who you've witnessed lying first hand is hard enough but when he continues to prove over and over again that he can't be trusted well Aaron doesn’t know how he’s supposed to handle all this.

Robert isn't having any of it though countering Aaron's every argument with reasons why he shouldn't have to keep proving himself and with neither of them seemingly willing to back down it looks they are both in for a very long night.

"Why can't you just believe that I'm not going to cheat on you? Not with Rebecca or with anyone else for that matter?" Robert yells; his voice rougher than usual as he paces the width of the back room behind the sofa.

"Because I'm not good enough!" Aaron practically screams in reply but the words catch in his throat towards the end and he squeezes his watery eyes shut because damn he didn't mean to say that out loud.

"W-what? Aaron what are you talking about?" Robert asks stopping in his tracks to look at his fiancé, he's not shouting anymore and Aaron isn't sure if he can take the sudden look of concern that has taken the place of the anger that was just there a second ago.

"I never have been. My whole life I've been this... this burden! My mum left, my da... Gordon said that loving me was too hard and Jackson died because I couldn't tell him I loved him when he wanted to hear it, how can I possibly believe that you want to be with me? That you're going to stick around for the rest of forever when no one else ever has?!" Aaron's nearly whispering now too afraid of what he's admitting to risk saying it any louder, "Robert we started out having an affair, I wasn't good enough to leave Chrissie for then! Why should I believe I'm good enough now?"

It's the first time Aaron's said any of his self-doubting thoughts aloud since he and Robert decided to give their relationship a real chance and he thinks Robert realises just how sincere he's being because all of the tension has suddenly left his fiancé's body and he’s giving Aaron that soft almost too much too bare look that always makes Aaron's chest tighten because no one has ever looked at him that way before.

"I can't change my past Aaron and as much as I wish I could, I can't change yours either but I want you to listen to me when I say this; I don't want anybody else. I just want you!" Robert promises, his voice just as quiet as Aaron's had been but he says the words with so much intensity that Aaron thinks maybe it's time to really start believing them.

"What we had when I was with Chrissie; it was everything I never thought I needed. You came into my life and suddenly I couldn't think clearly, couldn't function properly. I was supposed to love her, she was beautiful, smart and she had more money than I could ever dream of, enough money to set me up for life, she was meant to be my future but dammit Aaron then you happened!"

Robert's looking at Aaron with such a look of determination in his blue eyes like he's willing Aaron to understand what it was like for him back in the beginning, how he felt and what he was thinking but Aaron’s never been really good at accepting that someone might actually want him and ends up dropping his gaze to the floor, unsure of himself as Robert continues on.

"We were meant to be a one-time thing. I had it all planned out, I thought I could sleep with you, get you out of my system and move on but it wasn't enough! The more I got of you the more I wanted and before I even knew it was happening I was falling in love with you. Love was never a part of the plan."

Aaron can't stop the way his lips twitch up at that because he remembers; he remembers the way Robert's eyes would burn with want the moment he got him alone, how his hands would explore every inch of his body until Aaron was nothing but a mess of moans and whimpers and he also remembers how easily he unwillingly fell in love with Robert too, love hadn't been a part of his plan either.

"I made so many mistakes Aaron, did so many things wrong and if I could take them back I would, of course I would but just because I was scared about what kind of future I would have without all the wealth and the security the wealth brought doesn't mean you wasn't good enough, that you aren't good enough because you always have been and you always will be!" Robert presses on, his eyes fixed on Aaron as he steps around the sofa towards where he's stood against the kitchen counter.

"Then why did you marry her? Why did you keep going back time and time again?"

"Because I was a coward, I didn't know how to truly be who I am. I've told you before I couldn't even accept myself back then let alone accept that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a man." Robert whispers while finally stepping into Aaron's space curling his hands around Aaron's hips while the younger of the two gently rests his hands on Robert's forearms, "But nearly losing you..."

Robert doesn't finish his sentence but that's okay because Aaron doesn't need him too, he knows that Robert watched him completely fall apart, knows Robert watched him nearly die and if that doesn't make someone realise how much a person means to them then Aaron's not sure what would.

"You didn't lose me though, if anything you saved me."

"That's because you're worth saving!" The words are whispered against Aaron's forehead as Robert leans in to press a kiss there, it seems arguing has no place here anymore and Aaron is oddly okay with that because maybe it's time they just spoke about their relationship and worked out some real solutions to get past all this.

"I still have nightmares of not being there at the scrap yard the day you fainted. It's like my brain plays this loop of me turning up ten minutes too late and you're just lying there on the ground..." Robert stops himself again, voice thick with emotion and tears in his eyes as he looks down at Aaron, "But even those dreams don't compare to the nightmares I've had since the crash."

"I'm sorry." It's all Aaron can piece together to whisper but Robert shakes his head, moves his hands to either side of his jaw and smiles sadly.

"You have nothing to apologise for, nothing at all!"

They stay stood there like that for a moment or two, both of them reeling from the truth both of them have been afraid to admit up until now and it hurts to hear some of these things being said out loud but it also feels like the beginning of the first real conversation they've had in months.

"We went through so much together last year, Aaron. Do you really believe I would throw all of this away for an easy lay with someone I've had and binned off before?"

"I don't want to believe it! I don't want all these stupid thoughts messing with my head but..." Aaron cuts himself off then, he's not normally one to admit how vulnerable he is but Robert is being honest with him and he thinks maybe it's time he returned some of his honesty, "Rebecca intimidates me."

Robert takes a step back at that, his hands still cradling Aaron's jaw as he furrows his eyebrows down at his fiancé in confusion. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought Aaron would be intimidated by Rebecca because he had absolutely no reason to be. Not in Robert mind anyway.

"She's beautiful, smart and cunning also let's not forget she can offer you everything I can't. I can't offer you hundreds of thousands in the bank and I can't offer you Home Farm. She can give you the life you've always wanted, the life Chrissie was offering and all I have to offer is me."

"All I want is you! I'm not here because of what you can offer me Aaron; I'm here because I love you."

"I know, I know you love me. I do but what if one day love just isn't enough for you anymore?" Aaron asks looking down at his hands where they are still gripping Robert's forearms, tighter now than before.

"It will always be enough because I've never felt anything like this before," Robert says tilting Aaron's chin up so he's looking into his eyes again, "I didn't believe in this kind of love before you. This all-consuming, heart hammering, butterflies in your stomach kind of love. I thought it was something that writers thought up for story books and films..."

"Robert..." Aaron tries to interrupt him but Robert needs him to hear this.

"No listen to me, okay?! You do that to me. You give me butterflies and you make my heart race. You have since that damn day you had me up against the wall for offering you money for a pint and I thought those feelings would go away, fade over time but my heart still skips beat when you smile at me across a room, I still get goosebumps when I catch you staring at me like I'm your world and god when you touch me... It's like you set every nerve ending in my body alight. You're everything Aaron! You always have been."

It shocks Aaron to hear Robert talk about him like this, truthfully he never thought he would ever be this important to anyone but the way Robert describes what he does to him makes Aaron feel incredibly special because a person like Robert could love anyone he wants but clearly his heart chose Aaron against all his better judgment.

"See that right there, I don't understand any of that because how could I of all people make you feel that way?" Aaron asks, timid and vulnerable in his inability to believe he can have that effect on anyone.

"Because you're you! You may not see how perfect for me you are but I do, I really do and it still amazes me that you gave me a second chance and I can’t even fathom why you love me for who I am, with all my flaws and faults. You're not the only one that feels insecure but I refuse to let my insecurities come between us."

"I don't mean to let my insecurities come between us but sometimes I just can't help it. I can't lose you Robert, I just can't." Aaron's voice breaks again as he slides his hands up over Robert's shoulders and around to link behind his head, knocking the older man's hands from his face as he presses himself to the blonde’s chest. He's feeling so emotionally raw that he needs to be physically close to his fiancé and for once Aaron doesn't deny himself Robert's comfort.

Robert accepts Aaron’s hug easily, curling his long arms around his body without a moment’s thought. "You're not going to lose me Aaron but we also can't keep going on this way! Going around in circles and always coming back to the same argument."

"So what do we do?" Aaron asks his words only slightly muffled by the material of Robert's pale blue shirt.

"Well actually I was thinking maybe we should start seeing a therapist, separately of course. Your mum mentioned you've had one before and well with everything we've both been through lately I thought maybe it's time to sort our own issues out and maybe our relationship will benefit from getting a little bit of help."

"You really think we need professional help?"

"I don’t know, maybe yeah. There's only so much we can do to help each other and as much as I wish I could be enough to help you face all your demons, I think getting professional help to deal with all of the Gordon stuff and your past will help you find ways of dealing with it properly and maybe even letting it go."

"I guess giving it a go couldn't hurt..." Aaron mutters reluctantly.

"Exactly, I just want us to be happy and talking things out with someone who's completely unbiased and trained to deal with these things could really help us be happy, not only in our relationship but be happy within ourselves and with everyone else around us. Plus don't you think Liv deserves parental figures that are both physically and mentally healthy?!"

"When you put it like that how can I refuse?" Aaron sighs, squeezing Robert a little tighter for a second before letting go completely and stepping out of his fiancé's personal space, "I just want us to be happy too and you're right Liv deserves the best that we can possibly offer her, she's already been through enough."

Robert gives Aaron one of those soft adoring smiles again, offering him a hand which Aaron gladly takes letting him lead them both to the sofa where they settle with no space between them as Aaron presses into Robert's side with a content sigh.

"I've actually be looking around and I think I've found a therapist that will work for me so I'll give them a call tomorrow and then maybe we can find someone for you, get this ball rolling." Robert suggests, winding his arm tightly around Aaron's shoulders as the latter nods in agreement.

"Sounds like a plan." Aaron says his voice unsure but that's only because he's nervous.

"And listen; I know I said that I didn't want to have this conversation again but from now on if you're feeling insecure or you don't like how much time I'm spending with Rebecca, talk to me about it. I don't want you having to hide how you're really feeling, especially not from me."

"I'll try as long as you don't lie to me anymore even if you think I'm going to be jealous. I'd rather you tell me the truth then lie because that just makes everything ten times worse."

"I promise."

"Okay, good..." Aaron starts, taking a long deep breath, "So I'm thinking we should eat that chocolate you've been hiding from Liv since Christmas and watch a really trashy movie, just the two of us what do you think?" Aaron asks turning his head to look up at Robert who laughs softly and nods his head.

"Sounds great, Baby." He smiles pressing a soft kiss to Aaron's lips before settling his head on his fiancé's head and breathing out peacefully.

They're far from perfect and their problems haven't automatically been fixed because they've finally spoken about their issues but it's a start and maybe with a little professional help and bit more open communication they will get there.

Aaron believes they will because he and Robert have already been through so much and managed to find a way to be together, he knows they can make it past this and be all the better for it. He never believed in soul mates before but maybe just maybe he and Robert are meant to be together... Or maybe they're just too stubborn to give up on one another either way they're each other's forever and Aaron's going to make this work even if he has to face a few of his demons along the way.


End file.
